Oh Nat, I'm so sorry you are in such a mess.
Only those of us who have really suffered this never ending onslaught can understand just what you are going through and how you are feeling at this
precise moment.
You are certainly not a fraud, never think that, ever. You didn't chose this illness and you certainly haven't welcomed it's attentions.
Sometimes the medical staff can be so insensitive. What you are going through needs ASAP care. Have you phoned your rheumatology dept?
I know you say that steroids don't work for you, but they can help a little, have you/they ever considered joint injections? I had them in my wrists last week (first time),
the right one is great, the left is still a bit painful, but it is relative and I am better than last week. You mentioned side effects from the steroids - are these worse than the pain?
Try really hard to enlist anyone you can to help you, if the pain clinic works that will be a real bonus. You also sound a bit low in mood (it is very understandable) so why
not speak with your GP and see if you can get some help. We are all so helpless to support one another but sadly it is you that will have to find the energy to instigate
some sort of help for yourself.
Please do keep 'talking' on here, and phone NRAS helpline. They phoned me when I was at my lowest a couple of months ago, at the time I never thought I could get so low
but I did, and even now I'm not back to 'normal'.
Do please become your own best friend, shout out your needs to anyone who will listen, and please keep us posted - we want to knwo
Gogs